Life has the most oddest way of sneaking up on us and letting us completely understand the results of our own decisions. Its upto us however to be aware of that exact moment. Silly as that may sound, its the first thing that crossed my mind as I stood stranded at a rickshaw stand on a typicaly crowded evening at Borivali station for over 20 minutes.
A rickshaw-wala had just dumped me in the middle of the street and eventually when i did catch a share rick after a bit of push and shove with 10 other office goers I realised what a great thing it is that I am cycling to work everyday.
No more jostling about with hundreds of grey's in the trains. no more waiting in line or staring into space while trying to avoid someones hair running up my nose. No traffic snarls and no train delays.
lovely.
Everyone I know, and some who think they know me all too well, laughed at me when I decided to cycle to work everyday. They said, theres no way "I" can do it. I dont have what it takes it seems. Ill quit in a weeks time and take the bus just like everyone else.
Its only been 2 months now but when they I see the surprise on their faces when they find out Im still doing it everyday, I feel so damn good. :)
A part of me always wants to tell them off.. ask them of fuck off and stop underestimating me. but its a part that isnt courageous enough ( or maybe my other part is too polite) to do anything about it.
but yes, I seem to have finally grown some pride into myself. something which has been severly lacking for a long time. A lotta times in the past Ive said to myself that ill do things my way!! and it feels great to finally begin on atleast ONE part of it.

Office life is pretty good. Still getting used to it though, its been 2 months and Im only just starting to get into some sort of comfort level among my colleagues.
If there is an issue it is that my life apart from office at this moment is pretty much non existant. With the obvious exception of Daayan :)

Something I've realised recently, and i dont know how true it is;
People, mostly are good listeners when you are having miserable time in your life and when you have nothing to say but crib. Whether this is just my imagination going overboard I dont know, but my wacked out reasoning is that it is so, because people find it good to listen to someone whos worse off than they are. Some kind of reassurance that maybe they arent as fucked up as they thought they are.

Dialogues from the Fight Club:

When people think you're dying, man . . . they really, really listen to you, instead of just . . . Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.

oh boy oh boy!
something to cheer about at last. It feels so damn good to know that I wont be a lukkha anymore. Sure it aint how I would've ideally like it to go but what da hell!! beggers cant be choosers yeah!?
So, how does it feel Mr. Anand Balasubramaniam, Mr.Junior Matchmove TD at Rhythm and hues, bombay india!!
EEEYYYEAAAAAABBBBAA DAABAAAAA DOOOO!!

hehe..
been out of blogging for a long long while now. Guess a lack of things to crib about means writers block for me.
but then I still dont feel like I much to crib about.
No, I dont think I do have anything at all actually, but now my head is starting to feel the lack of oppurtunity to express itself in a way which is uncaring and absolutely unabashed about life, the universe and everything.
and the answer is 42.
(if you dont know what that meant. god have mercy on your soul )

anyways.. life goes on! im starting to get a move on.
things to see.. people to do and all that..
wonder years indeed.
:)

Indian Queens

I try to be reasonable..
I try to be patient...
I try to be fucking tolerant!!
But sometimes i feel like lining up every gay bastard i meet and shoot them in the balls.
&%)*&^

OK, Before any righteous individual starts accusing me of homophobia, lets get a few things
cleared up. NO!! I am not against or I DO NOT hate homosexuals! I dont consider it a act
against god. ( I'd probably argue the existence of GOD, but lets not go there). Its not
entirely against nature even though there is no use of one being homosexual to the whole
natural scheme of things. Propagation of life etc etc...
But, there is ONE thing i definitely hate!! and that is sneaky perverted closet gay bitches
who have nothing better to do that try an have a 5 seconds of fun in a local train by
sticking up close to other men!

I travel by train almost everyday.. and not a month goes by without an incident involving
some chut trying to get a little too close for his own comfort. today it was a puny little
bugger reading a newspaper. He wasnt overtly obvious ill give him that, but for a trained
eye such as mine ( which have gone thru one too many such incidents unfortunately) it was
easy to figure out what hes upto. for starters he didnt seem to be too keen to leave my
side ( or rather, my front!!) no matter how many times his attempts were thwarted by the
usual commuting public.
And then when i decided i had enough of him and tried to stand on the door.. he immidiately
follows me and stands right behind me. Disgusted as i was.. i couldnt help thinking ( that
wil make his next 10 seconds) *(%)&*%)&^..

Living in bombay and retaining a level of personal space is difficult. especially with the
kinda rush hour shit we have to live in. and these fellows seem to take complete advantage
of such situations. where a "victim" might not even know he's being felt up. I cant even
imagine how much this must be rampant in the trains all day, everyday. ever since the first time it happened to me, ive been ultra sensitive to anything
encroaching to anywhere within a one foot radius of my body! and it sucks to be that way..

If a part of me is angry and irritated at this situation, then theres another part of me
which feels pity for the poor buggers. misfits in a traditonal society and living in a
culture, often narrow minded to even the most innocuous of sexual expression, And that too
heterosexual.
Most of them might actually live off life as happily married men with dual lives.
I guess thats why I try not to whack them in the head and make a scene!! as if they arent
fucked up enough.... I dunno!! but sometimes!! im so god damn tempted to break the fucking
bones of the next guy who tries to get near my crotch!!

hehe... i guess this is how girls feel yeah?
fucking sexually repressed society! &*%)&^..
sometimes i wonder if it isnt such a bad thing to get a little "westernised" in certain matters...

The Rang de Basanti Effect

Whatever happened to the good ol days of "chalta hai, jane de." ... ??

Suddenly a movie has done what no politican , teacher or parent has managed to do in a couple of decades of decadence in this poor dear fucked up country of our's. One fairly run of the mil movie about a bunch of "youngsters" who decide not to take any more shit seems to have woken up the chutya bums of this country.
ok, so yeah, It hasnt spawned a whole bunch of vigilante idiots wanting to kill the next minister who messes with them.. ( god save Arjun Singh if that were to happen) but the effect in its own subliminal sort of way is there for all to see.

First if it was the unexpected backlash to the reservation bullshit, It was weak, disorganised , and up against a rival which cannot be defeated by any means other than nuclear bomb right up their arse, but like a guerilla war against a superpower. it was heartening to see that a bunch of doctors, Engineers and other assorted youngsters werent going to take whatever crap gets thrown at them without a fight.

When they got caned on the streets and blasted with watercannons, It seemed like the rang de basanti was playing itself out in real life. I sat and watched it unfold on tv, first thinking.. bollocks!! jane de.. kuch nahi hoga.. apun kuch nahi kar sakte!
and then i see guys and girls my own age getting lathi charged and im thinking.. fuck this!! i oughta join them.. they cant do this to us!
okie, so I didnt exactly go man the front lines after that day.. but it had stirred me enough to go to one of the protest rallies in support of the "FIGHT AGAINST RESERVATION"
Righto...
taa daah.. my great deed for the country n all.. woo hoo..


even if in the midst of hundreds of engineers and doctors , it all felt like a bit of a farce. everyone had been reduced to a rabbel rousing gathering.
i mean what did abusing Arjun singh and calling HARAMKHOR numerous time achieve.

and when you confront a team of rag picker boys who stalked the crowd looking for discarded plastics cups and plates, it couldnt help make one feel shameful




that seems like a long time ago,
and when one thought it would be a one off event which came to no end..
the last couple of weeks have been rocked by an assortment of issues involving students. Be it the Chandigarh mobile phone fiasco, The Ujjain election bullshit, or the latest Amity dress code.

Students or so called student reps are taking charge of a direct confrontation to face what they feel are unfair rules. In some cases it might be a good thing, but in the likes of Ujjain is where we see the hazards of overdoing it.
but, perhaps in the long run , this is a good thing.
for a while now, the youth of this country seemed happy to live out its own life and not bother about what the state of affairs are around him/her. but now its starting to hit home and its good to see most of us putting up a fight.
whether its warranted or not is another issue all together. but the fact that, theres a fight still left in us will probably be a good thing.


and Bob dylan said...

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

Gyaan Session

amma: oye...
amma: sa KANK...
amma: just..
anandshine13: k how it is?
amma: with my parents
anandshine13: :P
amma: ummm...interesting...
anandshine13: i hear it could give tough competition to mallu soaps for the waaah quotient
amma: :))
amma: well...I cannot a movie immediately..
amma: woh mere consiousness mein rehta hain ek do hafte...when the final judgement form hota hain...
amma: but it had me thinking personally...
anandshine13: my goad..
amma: for I am quite critical of extra marital affairs...
anandshine13: the movie is about emas?
amma: yup...
anandshine13: wokay
amma: wots ur take on infidelity?
anandshine13: hmm.. wrong che..
amma: u know....I have friends....office emin..
anandshine13: yeah i know. i know.
anandshine13: you told already
amma: who will go...so wot if U love someone who is married...
anandshine13: it seems very but barobar nati..
amma: I wud go like No...Not quite right...
amma: but they will go like....principles n all don't matter when u in love..
amma: :|
amma: n I think they r right...
anandshine13: provided it IS love..
anandshine13: usually its just wantign to have saax
amma: yeaaaa
amma: then it's ridiculous...
anandshine13: see if its really loveee.. then i guess its okie..
anandshine13: but just for saax if you are gonna cheat on your mate. thats not right. might as well break it off
amma: but I am quite old fashioned...like believing All live happily ever after.....but it's scary Andy....
amma: any relationship needs so much hard work...
amma: but this aint like any Karan johar flick...
anandshine13: thats true.. scary it is..
anandshine13: it takes time..
amma: fuck...enormous hard work man...human beings r so complex....
amma: tackling all complexities including ours is...really tough...
anandshine13: aisa sochegi nah.. pagal ho jayegi..
anandshine13: trust me..
anandshine13: itna dimag nahi ladaneka..
amma: actually...one day at a time
anandshine13: no no.. aisa bhi nahi.
anandshine13: just dimag jyada nahi ladaneka..
amma: no wonder ppl develop cold feet hearing marriage...
anandshine13: think of the future..but dont go overboard..
anandshine13: be cautious..
anandshine13: like riding a new bike or car
anandshine13: you dont think about doing 360 jumps on you first time or riding a F1 do ya..
anandshine13: first see how it works, then see how to shift gears , then how to turn
anandshine13: then get used to it.
amma:
amma: aaaaaaah gyaan n all haan...
amma:
amma: Andy: like riding a new bike or car
Andy: you dont think about doing 360 jumps on you first time or riding a F1 do ya..
amma: wrong analogy..for me...
amma: I dont understand cars n bikes...
anandshine13: well when u learn you will know..
amma: doosra analogy de...
anandshine13: hmm k cycle then??
amma:
anandshine13: you know how to ride a cycle??
amma: yeaa I love cycles
amma:
anandshine13: okie .. do see what thoe bmx people do?
amma: no
anandshine13: okie.. wait..
anandshine13: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freestyle_BMX
anandshine13: google tailwhip 360 ka images!!
anandshine13: arre its those stunt cyclist re.. its become a major sport now..
anandshine13: xgames it called..
anandshine13: freestyle bmx..
amma: ohhh....
anandshine13: well.. when you learned to ride a cycle.. you never were wondering how soon you can do backflip nah
anandshine13: http://clients.newel.net/particulier/bmx-hd/Images/Backflip.gif
anandshine13: like this.
anandshine13: well....
amma:
amma: yeaaaa
amma: haan bol..
anandshine13: so relatonship is like that wonly..
amma: toh?
anandshine13: not to think if unecessary things
anandshine13: what you got.. ( probably a nice bsa slr or max a rockshox) be happy with it..
amma:
anandshine13: and try and learn to use it nice and do the best yuo can for as long as you can with it..
anandshine13: when the cycle isnt smooth enough and it gives you trouble what do you do..
anandshine13: first try to repair it
anandshine13: but if it stil doesnt work, you never throw it away do ya.. you always will hate to give it away same with items and chavas.. when it doesnt work.. its hard to let go..but then soocho to laeve or not to leave.
anandshine13: im loving this gyaan session
amma:
amma: oh god
anandshine13: make sense nah..
amma: being in relationship has taught u lot of things...gawd...
anandshine13: lavda.. i knew all of this before wonly.. i da man..

super fast gyaan session in 10 mins . are my friend lucky bastiches or what!!!???
buhahahaha.... :P

One night at a Animation studio...

OK, Now this might not become a best seller like certain IIM IIT whatever people we all know, but this little adventure of mine is of my first night at my own animation studio/class where i decided to book the computer for a night after months of pestering from a certain classmate .
why book a computer? ... to practise the shit we learn every day in class.. but instead of sitting at home and getting distracted by phone calls, ammas, food, tv, porn, rain, itchy balls, thirst, a fly on the monitor, girlfriend, YM buzzes, food, porn, itchy balls..... you get the idea...

I wasnt totally in the mood for it the day before, because the idea of having to sit inside a "lab" ( as our rooms with computers are called) for about 8 hours all night is NOT something I was wholly prepared to do. so, with a sigh and and shrug and a false determination that YES!! AAJ TOH YEH KARKE HI REHNA HAI"... off i went to the zombie shift training. :P

now, just in case more regular readers are expecting a crib fest like in the old days.... :P NAAATTT!!! :P:P

maja came honestly. I was in a lab with another 5 guys, ALL of whom seemed to be north Indians. One of them was my dilli ka dost oye.. half of what he says is completely lost on me.. but i assume hes cracking some joke all the time so i smile and nod my head or shake my head depending on his expression and hope i got it right.
for some reason, one Banarasi fellow and another Dilli fellow kept calling each .. SIRRRR SIIRRRRR for no reason!!.. every sentence started with a .. OJI sirrrrr me kya keh reya uunn."..
hmm... these north Indians are wierd i say.... :P
But honestly.. it felt better than sitting between a bunch of marathis. atleast it was still hindi :P

and they were quite helpful too..:P cleared up some issues and suggested interesting different ways to improve my efficiency.
and I , in turn, helped out imparting my world famous in Borivali GYAAN!! on how to KICK properly so that the banarasi fellow could aminate a fighter hot chick.. ( nice boobs on that character yaa.. drrool )

8 hours well spent... goody goody..
but it made me realise something which I've been worrying about for a while now.

I dont know where im going. A year ago I was pretty gung ho about all this animation business. but I'm starting to doubt myself. whether im really truly prepared to make it.
In the engineering days, anything other than engg seemed to be great, and a career in animation seemed utterly lovely :) hallowed ground even.. but im here now, i can see how things go.. im still learning and in a couple of months time I have to start hunting for a job.
but i dont know anymore...
I dont work nearly half as hard as the fellows i say today. ( and THEY SAY!!.. that there are others there whos work will blow me away ...:-s )
ahem... no one has said anything like that about my work.. hell i dont have anything to show yet.
I passed engg ... woo hoo.. im learning animation ... woo hoo.. but everyday im saying to myself.. buck up you fat lazy piece of shit. what da hell are you procrastinating?
but I think my self motivational prowress is at a bit of a slump at this moment.

i got 2 months to make something out of all this...
i got plans.. i got loads and loads of plans.. but i have no idea if i can pull em off..
im a little scared... not shit in pants kinds yet, but something like PRE- nailbiting scared.

I dont have a choice anymore... i cant mess this up.
what other options do i have....
engineering site job... k pass
call centre....................k pass
coolie............................hmm....
call boy/giggolo...........gotta lose 20 kgs
suicide..........................k thanx.
boob farmer................looks promising but unpredictable market.

so.....
not much there...
oh well.... letsee..

Once upon a time, there lived a boy called Anand….

Well, he’s still pretty much alive. A little more rounder at the waist perhaps, but alive and well.

And for a while all was good….

He was like a Bombay road… a perpetual Work in progress… sorry for the inconvenience; bear with us today for a better tomorrow and all that.

When people asked him what he did, He would easily reply, hey I’m doing my engineering man!! Royally screwed yeah, still got years to go to get it over and done with. Blah Blah blah…

So, for a while… it was all good..

Well, not good in a yippie dee doo dah, yabba daaba doo way all the time, because there was the usually adolescent bullshit of heart breaks, exams, fucking pain in the ass college professors and oh yes… KT KT KT.

But, then one fine day, He was done with engineering. He had done his time, paid his debt to society (No! the phrase isn’t appropriate, I know!! But hey, you haven’t been to my college either) and after 6 long years of chutyagiri! (For lack of a better word) he’d say he had turned out pretty fine.

Phirst class!!! Even….

So, why am I referring to myself in the third person you might think…?

I don’t know!!! So don’t ask.

So, here I am..

2 months since the end of engineering college has left a nice BIGASS void in my life! For which I will be eternally thankful..

A first class( buhaha) mechanical engineer, trying to make it in the world of 3d animation.

For 6 years, I’ve hidden myself behind the “work in progress” tag. And now as that reassuring bit of security is slowly getting dissipated, I find myself in a scary new situation.

It’s Time to take on the big bad world. And I’m not ashamed to say, I am scared shitless!!

That blogging bug is back! For a while now, I couldn’t write.. Especially when all I did write was what I DID and how I DID it.. And forget another reader; it was ME who was getting bored of my own shit.

So, a good long break and I think I’ve understood why exactly I had started this shit in the first place. I was nervous as hell, and had no idea what I was doing and I wanted a place to puke all the shit in my head out. And I wanted people to read it too.

And I’m glad many people did and liked it, enjoyed it or reacted to it. :)

Thank you.

But I’m also sorry that you had put up with the crap that I was spewing for the last few months.

This break had made me realize that unlike in the old days when I used this blog as a place to vent my thoughts out, I had reduced it a place where I gave near trivial accounts of the silly things I was doing once in a while…

Of course, it doesn’t mean that I’ll not be talking about what keedas i'm upto at all nowadays.

Anyways….

The one thing I will do is give shadowfax a break!! :)

And for a new life ( getting melodramatic now :P ) a new blog…

Jinchuuriki.

Welcome..

Cheers.. and all that bhosada!!!

Buhahaha.

FUCK THE POLICE

Fucking shame...
A blatant display of abuse of power of law by the very same who are supposed to be protecing it. no remorse, no hesistation, no warning...

political hooligans get away with murder and the pandus watch and do nothing, but a few students protest against government backed reservation policy and they get beaten up black and blue with lathis....

not one act of violence from the protesters to elicit such a response. trains get stopped every other month, buses are vandalised, offices are ransacked, ordinary people get affected by bastard vigilante political activists.. the police does nothing...
but when ordinary people take the streets.. they get thrashed...

This is not over yet...
it was remarkable to see the students take the violence and not resort to similar retaliation. And that was an act of honor and dignity that the Mumbai police can and SHOULD never be alllowed to forget.

reservations are a tricky issue. but to implement it just for the sake of appeasing the masses to gain political mileage is just not right!!!!!!
and if they think that, we would just lay down and NOT care...
then FUCK YOU....

I was taking a break untill my exams are done.. no blogging i said.. but it felt shameful to see students like myself getting beaten up and yet stand fast for what they believe in!!!
and fuck the exams.. fuck the police...
if theres another protest.. i wanna be in too!!
this shouldnt be happening...

we should be afraid of the government.. they should be afraid of US!!
WE ARE THE FUTURE MR. MINISTER!!!
DONT FUCK WITH US!!!......

******************************
Go to 'youth for Equality'
Join the cause.. or just sit at home and shake your head...
whatever!!!

The Idea....

well, its been a while since i created this blog, but i wasnt entirely sure about what to talk.

For a guy who's been blogging for well over 2 years on a blog in another place, its strange that im having this much trouble in making up my mind. Anyways, I named this one JINCHUURIKI!!

At a time, when I was quite frustrated with my whole state of being. It felt as if there was this monster sitting inside of me, being held back by circumstance and a very fucked up academic record. (which any poor indian bloke will tell you, is usually a matter of supreme importance in the social acceptance of individual)
In that period of absolute failure and setbacks was when I first started to blog. A lovely addiction to THE LORD OF THE RINGS book had me name my first and long running blog as http://shadowfax.rediffblogs.com
and ive been having a good time there for a while now... but it just seemed like its time to start of something new. so.... here i am..

for those who dont know it..( and there might be quite a few of those)
The word JINCHUURIKI..has been taken from the NARUTO manga/anime series.
Jinchuuriki is the name given to a person with a powerful demon sealed inside him/her. A demon that is contained yet influences the persons way to life to a great extent. his weakness and his strenght.
Its a lovely concept, and very entertaining manga.
anyways... so here we go.. a new blog begins.
letsee how this goes..
for stuff from my older and still running piece...
click here.

adios.

i wonder why that profile is not getting updated!! aww well.. still a while for exams to finish.. be right back ..

hmmm... Ill be back!!