Inexperience!

Its just that my perfectly normal life is starting to make me extremely restless lately. I cant seem to put a finger or what the reason might be for this mood of mine, Reminds me so much of the old days, spent staring at a wall waiting for a year to end so I could get on with my life. Back then, I used to think if i got through that phase I'd be set for life. I'd be happy and absolutely fucking A-W-E-S-O-ME!!
Right now, I'm trying to write what da fuck is going on in my head. The wholes weeks been mostly dull and boring! nothing is holding my interest long enough and if that wasn't enough, I had my folks breathing down my neck with their most valid reasons. which mostly involve Me being a dead weight at home!
They aren't wrong by any means. Any other day I wouldn't admit it but yeah! I am a dead weight. The list seems endless and the times I disappoint peoples expectations. I still wonder how I walked about with that kinda of cockiness a few years ago when I was nothing , while here I am.. Finally something and I feel worthless!
damn!! I gotta stop making excuses. so many fucking excuses and reasons!!!
Appa got one thing right.. I'm not happy.. and I can't think of any reason NOT to be!
I keep telling myself I have to achieve my goals, keep clear priorities and be the best at whatever I do. sure easy thing! but somehow, somewhere I cant help feel that I've gotten sucked into the rat race.
I got a feeling that this might be a bit of a toothing problem. So many years I've spent doing nothing. Bloody lazy lump of ass with grands plans for world domination and pataoing a nice girl and buying a bike and see the world. But here I am big shot working man in a big shot animation studio with big shot pressures on big shot movies. woo fucking hoo!!
No! I like what I do, I like how I do it and its one of those few things which makes me feel a little satisfied when I go to sleep at night. But thats it, thats all I do.. I wake,I eat , I work, I eat, I sleep! like clockwork... and I don't think I like this very much!!
Maybe all this comes down in inexperience, lazy lump used to plenty of time to do nothing suddenly finds himself with no time to do plenty of things!
Maybe someday, ( and for my own sake, someday SOON!!) I get my act together before I'm a wreck! Because this can pretty much drive me nutters!
I guess you know you're in trouble when booze doesn't help de-stress you anymore..
Oh boy! toughie ride ahead!!